Rejoice (A Proclamation)

It's nowhere near reality, this space in which you dwell.

Your make yourself quite ludicrous with all this talk of hell.

The mad beliefs to which you cling are really quite absurd,

But you insist we take you at your great god's holy word.

Thank god your god does not exist! It never could or will.

Ancient Hebrew warrior gods remain not with us still. 

The time has come for growing up, embracing what is real. 

This god is not, but people are; they live, and think, and feel.

So when you say,"you're going to hell!" it sounds quite like a threat

(Which, we both know, it's meant to be), and let us not forget

That you default to this rejoinder when all cogent thought has fled:

"Someday you'll be sorry; you'll be tortured when you're dead!"

Sinister, rebarbative, contemptible and vile.

A childish bit of petulance, an ugly bit of bile. 

We'll have to chalk it up to insecurity and fear

Of atheists and socialists, and liberals and queers. 

We pose a threat to you because we do not bend the knee

To gods of men's invention, nor embrace absurdity. 

We're having too much fun here in the kingdom of the real

To let your silly threats from us one joyful moment steal.

So we proclaim to everyone,

Wherever they may dwell:

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad;

There's no such place as hell!

A Profound Abandonment of Reason

I share a view with many cultural critics: that the profound abandonment of reason, the seething rage stewing (and overflowing) among Evangelicals in the Bible Belt, has been fueled primarily by two discrete phenomena.

First, the "election" of George W. Bush represented the zenith of the Moral Majority's stated goal of "winning the culture for Christ." This was little more than slick sloganeering, of course. The real aim was to establish cultural hegemony (and lasting cash flow) for Christians of Falwell's ilk. The problem was that, in choosing "W" as their candidate, they were very much shooting themselves in the collective foot. Everything the man touched became a clusterfuck; thoughtful conservatives were able to recognize their serious tactical error in joining forces with politically-engaged right-wing religious zealots.

Then, of course, there was the election of Barack Obama. The shock of their lives, from which they haven't yet begun to recover. And not only his election; the man had the audacity to clean up most of their guy's world-class messes and achieve historic milestones for the country, despite their best attempts at total obstruction. No wonder they're losing their minds.

Lucretius Says...

Tantum religio potuit suadere malorum.

(To such heights of evil are men driven by religion.)

-- Lucretius, De Rerum Natura

A Perverse Ideology

Those suckled, immersed and indoctrinated by the gospel of racial prejudice, bigotry and violence act according to their nature in predictable ways. The violence is both institutional and heritable; preserved in City Halls and Confederate flags, instilled by pastors in families and bequeathed by parents to children. How does an enlightened citizenry combat such an evil, facing down generations' worth of perverse ideology?

Will racism ever really be "over" in this country? Perhaps, once intermarriage becomes so widespread that it all but wipes out the visual cues that have traditionally fed it, and we're another century or so removed from slavery and segregation. Meanwhile, we all have our work cut out.

The conservative assertion that we now occupy a "post-racial" America is ridiculous on its face. If anything, racism is more virulent now than during the Jim Crow era, when segregation was the law of the land. We are arguably now more psychically segregated than before 1964.

Find a Better God

It really doesn't matter if you're gay or if you're straight.
The thing that really matters is to choose love over hate.
You're no "abomination," as the fundies like to say.
(Who talks these days like old King James, who was himself quite gay?)

Jesus never married, and he hung out with twelve guys.
He wasn't into shaming "sluts" and leaving them to die.
Among his friends were prostitutes and tax-collecting bums.
He spoke well of Samaritans (to Jews, mere half-breed scum).

The only things that pissed him off were cold, self-righteous prigs,
Slick religious con men, and a tree that bore no figs.
So come on, all you Christian folks: lay down that tired old hate.
Being cool won't turn you gay; no, you can still be straight.

Value gay believers, those who worship in your midst.
They, too, are your brethren, and they really do exist,
Unlike your savage god of war, by ancient herdsmen dreamt;
Find a better god to serve, as yours deserves contempt.

Queen of Graduation

(To be sung to the tune of the Narwhals song)

Mandi, Mandi, Queen of graduation,
Best in all the nation, 'cause she is so awesome.

Mandi, Mandi, Queen of graduation,

Pretty cool and pretty bright,

Her cap and gown are looking tight.

Like a graduation superstar,

We know that she will go quite far,

She is a master of history

(She overcomes adversity!)

Mandi, she is Mandi.

Mandi (nothing that she can't achieve)

Mandi, she is Mandi.

Mandi-- achiever of the century.

(Repeat ad infinitum)

Another Lucid Interval

It borders on the mystical,
This sacred bond we share.
Sensing the same rhythm,
Breathing the same air.

Who could gaze into those eyes
And fail to see a soul?
The love we share's eternal;
It has made me fully whole.

Another lucid interval
Before the curtain falls,
To freeze the flow of time right here,
My fondest wish of all.

It borders on the mystical,
This sacred bond we share.
Sensing the same rhythm,
Breathing the same air.

NOT an Oversight!

The intellects of the founders and framers were formed in the crucible of the European Reformation and philosophical Enlightenment. Some of the most influential of them (including Jefferson) were Deists, who believed in "Heaven and Heaven's God." This was a deity who made the universe and then withdrew, allowing things to unfold naturally. 

The most salient animating principle these men shared was freedom of conscience; they were determined to avoid birthing yet another monarchy where royalty ruled by divine right. Everything we know about the republic's founders, their Zeitgeist and their actual documents confirm their goal: a religiously neutral republic in which rulers received their right to rule from the consent of the governed. 

God was not left out of the Constitution by mistake or as an oversight. Leaving matters of religion and conscience up to individual citizens was the framers' ideal, and one they realized through the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Keep It Well-Defended!

I'm a big fan of the First Amendment to the Constitution. It prevents government from preferring any religious sect to any other -- it has to be religiously neutral. This protects freedom of conscience for the most devout believer and the most outspoken atheist equally.

Religiously neutral government is the reason religion has flourished in the United States: instead of having a state church to which everyone belongs by virtue of their citizenship, all kinds of religious individuals and groups are free to worship in their own way (which of course includes the "not at all" option).

It's in every citizen's best interest -- Christians included -- for Jefferson's famous metaphorical wall between church and state to remain solid and well-defended. Matters of religion and individual conscience are too important, too personal, to be dictated by government.